THE LAST JUNIOR MINT ON EARTH

So I was rolling around on the floor playing with my sweet kitten Jammu when I noticed a single Junior Mint...just lying there under the couch. Oh hello there. How did you end up down there? I quickly put it in my mouth and then wondered...whose Junior Mint is this anyway? It doesn't matter. I like Junior Mints. Anyhoo, I thought I would tell you a bit about my Top 5 All-Time Candy Picks...and why I love them so.

#1 TRIPLE BLAST SUCKERS - I wish I had a picture for you all, but Willy Wonka sadly discontinued this product. These suckers were the creamiest most delicious suckers in the whole world. Each layer was a brilliant surprise ranging from sweet to sour to creamy to heaven. If I ever find one again I will simply cry.

#2 FUN DIP - I love the powdery goodness that is Fun Dip. The edible dipping stick they provide is both practical and delicious; it instinctively knows just how much sour sugar to grab each time. The powder is never too harsh and won't leave holes in your tongue... like certain other unnamed candies which may or may not rhyme with Shmixie Shticks.

#3 BOTTLE CAPS - I can't seem to find these anymore, where are they? They provide you with a nice solid crunch and a pop drink flavour that will leave you begging for more. Don't suck on bottle caps - just crunch as hard and fast as you can. Root Beer is my favourite kind...what's yours?



#4 LOTSA FIZZ - Man I love these ones. My only complaint is that the package keeps getting shorter and shorter every year. They used to be like ten feet long when I was a kid, I swear. These ones are amazing for sucking or crunching. They have a spectacular powdery fizz in the middle that will take you away to a magical fizzy mountaintop. I wish they would just sell the powder on it's own, I would keep it on the dinner table like salt and pepper.




#5 STRAWBERRY MARSHMALLOWS - This is bound to be a controversial pick so allow me to explain. Save these pillowy bastards for the end of a candy binge. They are a perfect sugar hangover remedy. They are not too sweet and they cleanse the palate, leaving you rejuvenated and guilt-free. Enjoy!

FINDS OF THE WEEK

NOT SO BOARD, AFTER ALL...

So, I'm sitting at my sister's house and I notice that she has a selection of the most unappealing but amazing looking boardgames I have ever seen. I think they deserve a mention for the artwork alone. I secretly want to play them; I love a good corporate conquest.

I HATE TRICKERY

Can I just say I hate April Fools Day? It makes me sick. I hate tricks. I hate being tricked...and trick-ing. The whole ritual fills me with deep anxiety. In elementary school, I would fake sick every April 1st to avoid the obligatory barrage of clever gags and hilarious pranks. I declare April 2nd to be Straightforward Day, where people say things and then they follow through in a simple manner. Okay?